Charlie Sheen's $20,000.00 Text

Charlie Sheen offered his hooker $20,000.00 in hush money.

For those of you living full and productive lives, let me bring you up to speed on the “Charlie Sheen and The Hooker” shenanigans: Capri Anderson, the porn star/prostitute, has all of sudden decided that Charlie assaulted her in New York City despite the police seeing absolutely no evidence and her being remarkably cooperative with them at the time of the drunken hotel meltdown. She’s also saying she didn’t do any drugs which is hilarious because she was with Charlie Sheen.

Without a knife and her throat nearby to settle this, Charlie has fired back with a lawsuit claiming he’s the victim of extortion, and now his lawyer is going around saying he never solicited Capri for sex which is hilarious because his client is Charlie Sheen. Cut to today where TMZ has acquired text messages Charlie sent Capri shortly after an unforgettable night of intrigue and WTF:

In one text, Charlie says, “All I need is an Acct number etc and I will wire u 20k if u think that will cover everything … I really feel bad, u are as cool and sexy and as sweet and fun and friendly as they get!”

Just before sending that text, Capri fired off her own, saying “u trashed my brand new prada purse dude not cool – how u managed to rip the strap off and put 2 holes in it is beyond me.”

After offering the $20,000, Charlie says, “Don’t worry about our mutual friends, deal with me directly and I promise u kind lady, all will be restored and set straight.”

The night after the incident, at 6:28 PM, Charlie is still trying to connect, texting, “Just landed, perhaps we can speak tonite….?”

Capri replies, “Yes u can call me. I don’t have a bank account believe it or not.”

Charlie responds, “Oh, well in that case, lemme put together a plan to get u square and flush. Can u tok (sic) for a sec now sweetie?”

Then Charlie texts, “Good news! My asst Rick is good friends with a cat named Mark (last name redacted) in NY, he will get the wire, cash that bitch, and deliver it to u where ever it’s convenient … I’ll get the ball Rollin in am, and have data for u asap after that…☺”

Capri writes, “Can he leave it somewhere secure for me to pick up? Like with a bank rep … I’m rlly nervous about all this.”

Charlie responds, “Of course, whatever makes u feel better…”

Apparently this transaction never went down, but look, had the NYPD arrived at the scene and Capri Anderson claimed she was assaulted, I’d absolutely 100% believe it because she was trapped in a hotel room with a drunk/high on coke Charlie Sheen who once tried to kill the mother of his children over a song. However, filing charges weeks later smacks of a shakedown, and I hate to side with Charlie Sheen, but this is exactly why the Good Lord gave us shower curtains you want to read reviews online before hiring an escort service. I’m pretty sure under Capri’s name is 2.5 stars and a comment about being the only hooker without a bank account. “It’s called free checking, lady,” it most likely reads.

Jacked from The Superficial