Heidi Klum Closer to Marriage

Heidi Klum and her bodyguard Martin Kristen are close to getting married, they just have to settle a little paper work first.

The good news for Martin Kristen? Heidi Klum wants to marry him. The bad news? There will be no suckling off her teet after the inevitable divorce in a few years.

From the National Enquirer:

Heidi Klum has agreed to marry her bodyguard boyfriend Martin Kirsten, sources say, but only if he signs an ironclad prenuptial agreement that gives him absolutely nothing! "Martin and Heidi had a huge fight after she said she probably wouldn't get married again," said a source close to her. "But Heidi doesn't want to lose Martin because she loves him, and so do her kids."

Heidi, 40, and Martin, 45, have exchanged gold "promise" rings, but sources say Heidi won't walk down the aisle a third time unless Martin signs a strict agreement to keep him from touching a penny of her $70 million fortune. "That's all held in trust for her family," said the insider. (Print Edition - 7/22)

I'm no lawyer, but I recommend that Martin go ahead and sign anything Heidi puts in front of him, no matter how "iron clad" it seems at the time. Why? Because no prenuptial agreement between a winner (e.g., Heidi) and a loser (e.g., Martin Kristen) has ever held up in divorce court -- EVER (now I know some of you will point out Fat Kim Kardashian and her idiot ex-husband, Kris, but technically you're wrong -- neanderthals aren't entitled to rights reserved for humans). Marty needs to get hitched and stay hitched for about three years, four if he's really greedy. But if Martin can hit the magical half-decade mark, he may not only get half of Heidi's shit, but might also be entitled to a very nice alimony for the rest of his life. God bless divorce law if your wife is a rich supermodel and God bless America.

Jacked from Celeb Slam